The George Castanza Principle
October 16, 2009
As a avid fan of Seinfeld, there were many episodes that I felt had application to life and self-exploration. One of them was based on an episode where George Castanza realized that the way to success for him was to do the opposite of what he normally did. Indeed, he found great success in this practice, and was exhilarated and relished the idea of doing exactly the opposite of what he thought he should do.
The application of this George Castanza principle in life is for us to notice how often we get into a rut doing the same things over and over again, even if they don’t don’t work, or how we fall into patterns or routines on the most basic level – the way we travel to work, routines we do at home.
Learning to break out of our comfort zones often involves doing something different, or opposite what we would normally do, for the sake of exploring the emotions that arise, expanding our comfort zone, experiencing more out of our lives, trying something new, living life more fully, etc.
As we break out of old patterns and consciously try something different, there will be often other feelings, fear, excitement, newness, all worthy of watching. I’d like to challenge anyone open to this, to apply the George Castanza principle in your life and share what happens.
Setting Boundaries and Taking Care of Yourself
October 16, 2009
I have a friend who does a very good job of saying “yes” to anyone and everyone who needs her help. Yet when I speak to her, she shares with me about her feeling burned out with life, burned out with her lack of boundaries, and why it is so hard to say “no.”
Ram Dass shared that one of the challenges many of us have in life is learning to say with an open heart. That often we are trained by society, family to not say “no.” Yet when we have difficulty saying “no” we then leave ourselves open to creating inordinate amounts of stress.
In learning to take care of ourselves, one of the lessons is the lesson of boundary setting. One of the keys to boundary setting is knowing your limits, honoring yourself, and honoring your time.
An excellent challenge for those of us who have a hard time saying no, is to practice it, just like a homework assignment in school. To let yourself go and just say no (no drug joke intended here) to someone or something just for the experience of it, and see how it feels, notice what your thoughts are when you do say no, what do you fear, what are your emotions, and then share those here.
Some questions to ask are what happens to you when you think “no,” but say “yes.” In some ways, this goes back to the authentic self. Which self is saying “yes.”
In this group I taught today of senior citizens, the issue of boundaries came up. One man, Sheldon, shared that he knows a woman that always says “yes” to everything. He was very bothered by it, because he believed that she had no boundaries. When I asked him did it bother her to say “yes,” he said “no” she is very loving and giving and has no problem with it. She said she loves saying “yes”. Was it true? Who knows? But there are no absolutes here. There is no right answer. Just an answer that is truest for you.
The bigger question is, are you saying “yes” when you are feeling “no,” and if so, perhaps an exploration of what it means to say “no” to someone else. Does it mean your heart is cut off from them? Is it just an old habit that keeps playing itself out? Is it something that needs to get developed and nurtured and practice, as any other behavior does.
Sometimes having a formula for assertiveness helps. Here’s one of my favorites. It is called “DESC” – Describe, Explain, Specify and Consequence.
It goes like this: When you ______. I feel _______. I would prefer you do this _____. If you do______ (reward), if you don’t______ (consequence). Example: When you come home late, after I’ve cooked a meal, and you don’t call, I feel disrespected/hurt. I would prefer you call me if you aren’t going to come home. If you do I’ll keep your food warm. If you don’t I’ll be angry, throw the food against the wall, and you can go and enjoy a nice hot meal at McDonalds.
Laugh Your Way Out – of the Hospital
October 12, 2009
This is the story of an exceptional man named Norman Cousins, MD, author of “Anatomy of an Illness.” Some of the most stressful times in our lives happen when we find out we’re ill, or in a state of dis-ease, especially if the condition is life threatening.
What does it take to deal with, let alone overcome this kind of stress and fear? Here is one man’s answer:
Let the Humor In
October 6, 2009
Do you find that you go through your days with seriousness, not laughing very often? Did you ever wonder why this is? The quick and easy response is something like “there was really nothing funny that happened today.”
Actually, when you understand how we put up blocks to humor, you can start laughing more. Here is a short audio on how to do this…